School closes. Childcare falls through. The meeting runs late.

Apparently, your employer and the school district have both reviewed your calendar and decided you’re free.

So you rearrange. You send the message. You miss the meeting, move the appointment, or try to work with a child beside you who has suddenly developed an urgent interest in every object on your desk.

You figure it out because something has to happen. But being able to figure it out doesn’t mean the arrangement is working.

When every disruption lands on the same person, her work, rest, and plans become the things everyone expects to move. And “have a backup plan” can be frustrating advice when you are already the backup plan.

Start with the disruption that keeps happening.

You don’t need a contingency plan for every possible event. Start with the one that repeatedly costs you the most.

Is it sick days? Pickup when work runs late? School closures? Appointments during work hours?

Name what usually happens and what it costs you. Lost pay? Missed opportunities? An afternoon of apologizing to everyone while meeting nobody’s needs particularly well?

That gives you a concrete problem to address.

If another adult can share responsibility, agree on coverage before the next disruption.

“Can you help more?” leaves a lot to interpret. A clearer agreement might be:

“You’ll handle the next sick day, including notifying your job and contacting the school. After that, we’ll alternate.”

Or:

“You’re responsible for pickup on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If something changes, you arrange the alternative.”

The agreement needs to fit both people’s work constraints. It also needs to account for the remembering, contacting, and rearranging. Otherwise, you’ve handed off transportation and kept the dispatch job.

If there’s nobody to call, start there.

You do not need another suggestion to “lean on your village” when you’re still looking for its address.

Look at the options that actually exist. Does your employer offer any backup care benefit? Can you request a shift swap, a different start time, or a clear process for unexpected absences? Is there a school or community program with coverage you can realistically access and afford?

Those are possibilities to investigate, not resources you should be assumed to have.

And if none of them solves the immediate problem, decide what can become smaller on disruption days. Dinner can get simpler. An optional commitment can move. The nonurgent task can wait.

That won’t replace childcare or recover lost wages. It can keep an already difficult day from requiring you to perform a normal day on top of it.

Employers need a plan, too.

When an employee is unexpectedly unavailable, who covers the urgent work? What can wait? Does everything genuinely need to happen today?

A workplace that depends on every parent having flawless childcare has its own planning problem.

Working moms can make agreements, investigate options, and communicate clearly. Employers can build coverage and set realistic priorities. When there’s another capable adult at home, that person can take responsibility for handling disruptions, too.

The next time something falls through, the useful question is: “What’s our plan?”

If the answer is always your name, something needs to change.

Read next: You Can Be Good at Your Job and Still Want Your Life Back